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by Geoffrey McDonald Bowll

on Apr 2

Guerrilla Guide: Professional stereotypes

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What else could I do?

I’m at a Networx function, sipping a beer and chatting with Frank Chamberlin, who also writes for this esteemed publication. We’re talking about the pitfalls of penning a piece without a decent brief, when I notice to my right a woman who is staring at me.

Being a well-brought up boy, I put my hand out and we introduce ourselves. As soon as our names have been exchanged she asks me, “What do you do?” (I’d never start off with that question). I say, “I’m not sure, it depends what the time is and where I am.” She blinks, like I’ve kicked her in the shins. Then asks me, “What does Starship do?” (I’m wearing a name tag, much as I hate them.) I say, “We’re an advertising agency.” She says, “That’s it?”

So I stupidly play her game. I ask her this, which is a big mistake. “What does XXXX do?” (She has the name of a big head hunting firm on her lapel. Of course I know them.) She says, “You don’t know? We’re a recruitment firm!” I say (third mistake), “Oh, I see.” She asks aggressively, “What do you mean by that?” I know what I want to say, but hesitate, searching for the right word. “I’ve always found personnel people to be, ahhh, what’s the term? (I desperately think of plays, Oscar Wilde...) A bit earnest.”

“Earnest. You think I’m earnest?” (whites of eyes showing). “Would you say that if you knew I was the new marketing manager?” she says, like she means, “Hey, I’ve got a big budget and you’d better be nice to me, because all you ad guys want it.” And she storms off because I’ve been so offensive. Not exactly a new situation for me. I didn’t mean to be rude, but there you go, in her mind it’s obviously a major sin to not take yourself seriously.

Frank smiles, shrugs his shoulders. I sip another beer and wonder why people think their careers matter so much, instead of just trying to enjoy themselves for their own sake; why they literally live their job. So with the intention of making damn sure you know why you’re doing what you’re doing instead of selling drugs, bad legal advice or second hand houses, below I’ve cobbled together a list of the ‘professions’ (I use the term lightly) you could have done instead and why you’re better off where you are, in career nirvana.

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